Dear Husband, Now That You're A Father

Dear Husband,

Now that you are a father and I am a mother of our beautiful child, I would like to let you know that I am so thankful to have you both in my life.

I understand that our lives have changed, if not so drastically, since the day she was born. For the better? Or for the worse?

Do you remember that we used to fight on weekends, about which places to go, which restaurant to dine, which house appliances to buy, which brand of soap we want to try. All those trifling things.
Oh, we used to fight on weekdays, too - when you and I got home, both tired after a long daaaaay of work, and I still had to cook for at least 30 minutes (and washed the dishes after) while you only needed 5 minutes to finish the whole plate.
Remember that we also lived in a small cube on the 25th floor back then? We could not avoid each other when we fought, because we would ALWAYS bump at each other in that 31 sqm space. Tricky.

Yes, we used to fight. But we immediately made up and things got better before bed - where we enjoyed the spacious bed, just the two of us.

Do you remember that I always kept my hair nice-smelling and you liked to sniff it?

During our TTC journey, you were the one who kept me going. You gave me the courage to undergo any medical procedure needed so that we could have a child. You held my hand after we did the IUI, you wiped my tears when we failed the IUI. You, yourself, had also beaten your fear and dealt with those uncomfortable feelings during medical exams.

Oh, I also did not forget to cut your toenails once every 2 week!

We used to say "I Love You" before we went to bed.

We watched movies religiously.

We were so close.

Now that she's here, I have to admit that we are growing apart...

Literally, we don't sleep next to each other now that the baby sleeps between us. We hardly kiss each other goodnight because I am often too tired and doze off completely as soon as the baby sleeps, and you can not be bothered, busy playing that Clash Royale of yours.

My hair does not always smell like a fresh flower bouquet because I rarely have time to dry it all up in the morning - you know, I have to prepare myself to go to the office, feed our baby, prepare her milk, pack my bags (now that I am a mother and I need to carry at least 2 humongous bags to work).
Is that the reason why you no longer kiss me on the forehead before you go to work? Maybe not. Maybe you enjoy smooching our little baby better, honestly speaking, she DOES smell better. And as she gets bigger, maybe she gets to hold your hands far more often than I do.

And when was the last time we went to catch a new movie? Star Wars, was it? We missed Rogue One, and now The Last Jedi is already approaching. Couldn't care less, could we?

I am sorry now I don't have much time for you, now that I am a mother. I have forgotten about keeping your toenails short, just like I have forgotten many things. I am too forgetful nowadays. Between work and household chores, between monthly reports and dirty diapers. It's getting so hard to focus and remember things when you can only worry about one small baby (but a super cute one).

Dear Husband, I just want you to know that I have never been happier now and you are part of that happiness of mine. I am a mother, my priority in life has completely changed - family is number one on my list, and you are also a part of it. I am now a parent, we are now parents, let's be a good one. We are responsible for the life of this tiny human, an amanah from God. Let's work together to raise her to be a wonderful human being. Please help me when I am in need (I mean, when I'm so beat after a series of begadang night), and I promise you have my total support, too.

Dear Husband, now that you are a father. Continue to be an amazing one. Love her, teach her, protect her. Make sure that one day she will run to you, hug you and say that she is proud of you.

I love you, I love her, and I love us. I've said this before, and I'm saying it again, and maybe I will keep on saying this until we're gone (even that is not possible).

"Thank you for being here and now,

and the forever ever after in the making."

I don't believe in forever, though. But both of you certainly make me think that forever (being with you both) is a pleasant idea.

Okay, maybe the quote sounds exaggerating. Please just hold my hand (and hers) and never let go.
That's good enough for now.

Oh, and please continue to tell me that I am not THAT fat, you know THAT is key in every relationship.
Love you!

From There, To Here
(She doesn't seem interested to take a good family wefie, no?)

Menjadi Ibu

There's a story behind everything. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s, because hers is where yours begin.

[Mitch Albom]

Hari Ibu kali ini terasa berbeda. Mengapa? Karena ini adalah pertama kalinya saya merayakan Hari Ibu dengan menjadi seorang ibu.

Bahagia? Banget.

Saya tahu bahwa kehadiran anak akan mengubah banyak hal dalam hidup, mulai dari gaya hidup, pola makan, bentuk fisik, jam tidur, nggak bisa nonton bioskop, mandi harus buru-buru (loh jadi curhat ini...) dan banyak hal lainnya. Tapi saya sungguh tidak menyangka bahwa secara personality saya pun berubah. Misalnya, dulu saya sering ngambek dengan mood swing yang lumayan parah dan tak tentu arah, nggak bakal sembuh kecuali disogok aneka cemilan yang saya suka oleh suami. Kini, saya jadi lebih kalem dan tenang menghadapi berbagai hal, seperti saat macet di jalanan, mobil yang saya kendarai disenggol motor, menghadapi beban pekerjaan, dan lainnya - stay calm and composed. Sepertinya sekarang jatah panik, riweuh dan nangis-nangis heboh hanya terpakai kalau anak sakit.
  
Tidak hanya itu, ada satu hal terbaik yang saya rasakan sejak menjadi ibu - saya jadi lebih dekat dengan Mama. Saya sungguh berterima kasih kepada Mama karena saya memang memercayakan Sid untuk dijaga dan dirawat oleh Mama selama saya bekerja. Beliau, dengan ikhlas dan tanpa mengeluh, bersedia untuk menggantikan peran saya sebagai ibu selama sekitar 11 jam, 5 hari dalam seminggu. Meski ada seorang mbak di rumah yang sigap membantu, Mama tetap berkomitmen untuk turun tangan sendiri mengurus Sid, kecuali saat ada kegiatan di luar rumah seperti mengaji - itu pun hanya sekitar 2 jam di hari Senin dan Kamis.

Saya ingat dulu, kami sering berselisih paham dan ujung-ujungnya entah saya atau Mama yang ngambek. Sekarang, hampir tidak pernah. Kalau pun ada perbedaan pendapat, saya berusaha meredam diri dan melembutkan kata-kata supaya beliau tidak tersinggung. Terutama jika ada hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan merawat Sid yang saya kurang setuju, saya biasanya menyampaikan dengan hati-hati, dengan pilihan kata yang baik. Sekarang ini, kalau sudah hampir-hampir mau berantem dengan Mama, saya langsung mundur teratur dengan cantik, ambil air wudhu (shalat bikin adem) atau ambil cemilan manis-manis (sibuk ngunyah jadi batal ngambek).

Ada satu kejadian yang paling membuat saya terhanyut, mengharu biru, menye-menye. Ketika itu saya sempat sakit, kurang tidur dan workload sedang unyu-unyunya di kantor. Sambil memijat ringan punggung saya, Mama berkata,

"Jadi ibu itu harus kuat, nggak boleh sakit. Kalau ibu sakit, seluruh keluarga bisa-bisa nggak ada yang ngurusin."

Saya langsung terhenyak mendengarnya. Betapa "receh" dan remeh sakit saya ini, sungguh tidak dapat dibandingkan dengan apa yang Mama telah lakukan untuk saya, untuk anak saya, untuk keluarga kami. She runs the house, she provides our food, she takes care of my baby, she caters for her husband, she manages to do all those things every single day. How does she do that?

"Itu namanya kekuatan seorang ibu..."

Benar, jangan pernah underestimate kekuatan seorang wanita yang telah menjadi ibu.
Hanya seorang ibu yang bisa menyulap rasa sakit setelah melahirkan menjadi tawa bahagia saat pertama kali melihat bayinya.
Hanya seorang ibu yang tahu bagaimana caranya tetap fokus meeting di pagi hari meski semalaman terjaga karena bayinya sedang sakit.
Hanya seorang ibu yang mampu menggendong anaknya selama berjam-jam meski berat badan anak kian bertambah dari hari ke hari.
Hanya seorang ibu yang selalu berharap Tuhan bisa memindahkan rasa sakit di tubuh si anak ke tubuhnya sendiri.
Hanya seorang ibu yang bisa mendahulukan keperluan anak dan keluarganya, lebih dari ia mendahulukan kepentingan dirinya.

Setelah menjadi ibu, saya jadi tahu. Kalau menjadi ibu ternyata bukan hanya sekedar punya anak, ngurus anak, ngasih makan, ngasih susu. Tanggung jawab, kedewasaan, dan kekuatan harus juga dimiliki oleh seorang ibu. Harus bisa membuang ego jauh-jauh, menjaga harmoni keluarga.

My First. My Last. My Everything!

Selamat Hari Ibu, Mama. Terima kasih sudah menunjukkan kepada saya, cinta yang luar biasa, tanpa kenal pamrih, tanpa batas waktu. Tidak akan bisa saya balas dengan cara apapun juga. Sebagai anak, saya hanya bisa berdoa kepada Tuhan, semoga Mama senantiasa ditetapkan dalam Iman dan Islam, diberikan berkah kesehatan dan kebahagiaan lahir batin. Izinkan saya menyayangimu setiap hari, memelukmu tanpa bosan, mendoakanmu tanpa putus.

Every day should be a Mother's day, your day.
Because that's exactly how I'm going to love you.
Every single day.

Keyakinanku, Keyakinanmu

Saya pernah menjalin rasa dengan seseorang yang berbeda keyakinan. Apakah itu nista?

Karena ia baik. Ia tidak pernah melarang saya beribadah, malah sabar menyuruh dan menunggu saya sholat, dan ketika saya berpuasa ia menemani hingga tiba waktu berbuka. Saya pun tidak pernah mencampuri ketika ia harus pergi di hari Minggu. Semua terasa biasa.

Kami bahagia.

Untuk beberapa saat...

Singkat cerita, kami mulai merasa ada hal yang mengganjal. Justru rasa ini muncul ketika kami semakin dekat, ingin naik tingkat.  Saya ingin memiliki, saya ingin menarik dia menyeberang ke lain sisi, saya ingin dia untuk meyakini apa yang saya yakini, untuk beribadah dengan cara saya beribadah. Saya mulai belajar dan belajar lagi, gali-gali kitab suci, tanya sana sini. Bahkan cari informasi dari forum yang sangat tidak terpuji, penuh dengan benci dan bahasa yang keji (sepertinya sekarang sudah di-banned as it was a truly savage site), dimana umat yang berseberangan saling serang dengan nada-nada berang. Semua saya lakukan untuk memohon, memaksa dia supaya ikut kepercayaan saya. Saya jadi gelap mata, pokoknya dia harus ikut saya.

Namun apa yang terjadi? Kami semakin menjauh. Semua kajian yang saya paksakan kepada dia terpental begitu saja. Bukannya makin sama, kami malah makin beda. Domba dan kambing pun kami perdebatkan. Tidak ada lagi bahagia. Saya malah menista agamanya karena saya bilang Tuhan dia bukan Tuhan. Padahal kalau kepala saya dingin, saya cuma akan bilang bahwa Tuhan dia bukan Tuhan yang saya yakini and there's nothing wrong with that, let's just agree to disagree. Sungguh beda kan kedua pernyataan itu?

Singkat cerita lagi, kami berpisah.

Saya sedih, saya kehilangan. Tapi saya percaya Tuhan punya rencana lain untuk saya (dan dia) sehingga tidak perlu kecewa. Berbekal keyakinan itu, saya jadi tenang. Tidak berlama-lama terpuruk dan mulai susun-susun kembali hati yang tadinya remuk. 

Benar saja. Saya lalu dipertemukan dengan (waktu itu masih calon) suami. Saya pelajari bahwa ayahnya (mertua saya kini) kerap membimbing orang untuk jadi mualaf. Beliau lakukan dengan cara yang amat beda (dengan apa yang dulu saya coba lakukan) - beliau buat terang semua tentang Islam, yang damai, yang penuh cinta, yang tenang dan menenangkan. Beliau (hanya) berkisah tentang kebesaran dan keajaiban Tuhan sebagaimana ditulis di dalam kitab suci, tidak lebih, tidak kurang. He does it in a certain way that those people, who wish to convert, finally believe by themselves. Bukan seperti dicekoki, tapi mengalir begitu saja dan jadi yakin dengan sendirinya. Sungguh Tuhan Maha Baik, menyadarkan saya atas kesalahan yang pernah saya buat dengan mempertemukan saya dengan suami, dengan ayah mertua.

Jadi, kembali lagi ke si dia yang terdahulu...

Meski kini kami tidak saling sapa, saya percaya kami masih saling mengingat dan saling berterima kasih. Karena saya meneguhkan keyakinan dia, dan dia memantapkan keyakinan saya. Percaya akan besarnya kasih sayang Tuhan dengan masing-masing cara, bukankah itu yang paling utama?

Lakum diinukum waliyadiin.

She's Here!

The wait is finally over!

She's here, I can hold her in my arms now. I can kiss her, touch her, feel her every breath.
She arrived two weeks ahead of the 40-weeks schedule, but she is such a perfection. She weighed at 2,9 kg and 47 cm in height at birth, she looked petite but she was easily my grand-est achievement.

Hello, World!

Giving birth to her was an amazing experience. Time went by so slowly since the minute I was admitted to the hospital at 9 PM. At midnight, the come-and-go pain in my stomach was indescribable, but the thought of seeing my daughter's face kept me going. But at 1 AM, I felt like giving up because I thought I would not make it to see the light of day. Everything suddenly turned into a rush when the clock hit the 2 AM mark. Then at 3.10 AM, I could hear her crying then she landed on my chest. She was warm, she seemed so small and fragile, but most of all, she is mine to hold.

Last but not least, I want to thank my Mother. Thank you for doing exactly the same thing, thank you for delivering me safely into the world. Thank you for watching over me, thank you for the time and the patience, the energy and the tears you spent on me. I owe you everything I am today and I may never be able to repay you, but I want you to know that there is nothing in the world that I won't do for you. I love you, Mom.

For Baby, welcome home.
Let's grow together.

Anxiety Attack

Hello, Baby.

I can't believe that we are now counting down the days until D-date.
Anxiety is mounting. Tension is building. Well, at least for me. I don't know whether your daddy feels the same - he seems very calm, if not - indifferent, or worse - ignorant. I hope he is not. But he doesn't cry when I cry and whine and sob about so many things related to your arrival in the world, so that should mean something, right? Ok, maybe that's just my hormones.

To be honest, I am in a complete blue when it comes to you nowadays. I worry about so many things; your health, my health, C-sect or natural birth, breastfeeding, what to bring to hospital, will the doctor take good care of us, the list can go on and on...
I start to regret some of the things I did during the early pregnancy, like eating sushi (I believe at some point I came across a tiny bit of under-cooked salmon), using a small amount of salicylic acid on my skin, not eating right, not drinking much milk, skipping some pills, and all those bad stuffs I was not supposed to do during pregnancy - even though some are just myths, really. I should have done something good for you for the past 7 months, but regret does come a bit too late since your D-date is only 5-6 weeks away.

In between my uncontrollable sobbing and my prayers, I realize that I already love you more than life. Let's bring it on. Anything in the world, I would gladly risk it all just to see you, feel you, breathe you.
I hope we can finally meet each other very soon and all is well.

Love,
Your mother.

We're Having A...

G I R L !

Cutesies For The Cutest

Bismillah. This is our very first baby gender reveal.

Kebetulan saya pun dapat kesempatan bagus dari Pampers Indonesia untuk (nanti) mencoba Pampers Premium Care New Baby. Sebagai newbie, saya tentunya sangat terbantu karena kalau disuruh pilih-pilih berbagai macam merek popok disposable yang ada di toko pastilah sangat membingungkan. Uniknya, Pampers Premium Care New Baby ini memiliki 5 keunggulan sehingga sangat tepat jadi pilihan para ibu yang ingin perawatan terbaik untuk bayi baru lahir.

1. Memiliki bahan SUPER GEL, yaitu gel dengan daya serap hingga 12 jam sehingga bayi merasa lebih nyaman dan nggak rewel ketika tidur. Menurut dokter anak, tidur nyenyak besar pengaruhnya dalam mengoptimalkan tumbuh kembang bayi dan anak. Terlebih lagi, ketika bayi tidur nyenyak, ibu pun bisa beristirahat untuk recharge tenaga.

2. Sirkulasi udara agar kulit tetap kering. Mengapa ini penting? Kulit bayi baru lahir cenderung sensitif sehingga perlu ekstra hati-hati. Jika terlalu lembab, maka bisa mengakibatkan ruam popok atau iritasi lain.

3. Lembut di segala bagian, menjaga kulit tetap nyaman.

4. Bagian pinggang 2x lebih lentur sehingga super pas dan nyaman dipakai karena mengikuti kontur tubuh bayi.

5. Mengandung lotion perlindungan kulit.

Sebenarnya ada satu keunggulan lain yang saya suka yaitu Wetness Indicator atau indikator kelembaban yang bisa membantu ibu  untuk melihat apakah sudah waktunya untuk ganti popok atau belum. Pas banget untuk newbie seperti saya. Selain dalam kemasan isi 28 yang saya dapat, Pampers Premium Care New Baby ini tersedia juga dalam kemasan isi 13 yang langsung masuk ke dalam tas bawaan untuk ke rumah sakit karena lebih praktis.

Senang sekali menantikan #MomenPertama kelahiran anak kami, pastinya nggak lupa #PakaiPampers yang memberikan perlindungan bintang lima.

The product was a nice surprise, thanks to Pampers Indonesia and FemaleDaily.

1, 2, 3, I Love You

To Baby,

Love,

Your mother.

The Waiting Game

Kadang kita harus menunggu,
dan hanya bisa menunggu. 

Diminta menunggu,
bersabar dulu,
mungkin karena kita selalu,
terburu waktu,
membuang detik menit berlalu.

Menunggu,
duduk saja dulu,
tidak usah tergesa dan terpacu,
hilangkan rasa kecewa itu,
besarkan hati yang sempat kecil sebegitu.

Menunggu,
berusaha dulu,
biarkan doa terus berlagu,
karena Sang Empunya Waktu,
Maha Punya Rencana kan, Bu?

Kadang kita harus menunggu,
dan tak ada yang salah dengan itu.

Teruntuk anak dari suamiku, yang masih rencana Tuhan.
Ibu tunggu ya, Nak.

Originally posted in my other blog.

A Little Piece of Heaven

To Baby,

Love,

Your mother.

#FlashbackFriday: Childhood Memories

Hello, Baby.

I miss writing to you! It's just that your mother hasn't been feeling too well lately - I think I must get a little exhausted now that you're getting bigger and my body needs a bit of adjustment to keep up with your development. But no worry, I've been eating lots nowadays to ensure you're packing more pounds and getting the nutrition you need. Not to forget my daily dose of milk (and ice cream, you know, this is strictly for calcium intake).

Today I want to share you stories about childhood. It is definitely one of the happiest time of one's life, filled with playfulness, enjoyment, and loving memories. Your father and I were once small and very cute, too. Of course, each of us have our own personal memories to treasure but those memories all come down to one thing; we were happy and loved.

We Were Once Babies, Too

Your father was born in early October, he is the eldest of three children. Just take a look at his chubby cheeks, he gave your grandmother quite a hard time during labor due to his weight. One of his most cherished childhood memories is, well, spending time studying. His parents put a high importance on education and took on this matter seriously. Once they took a family road trip to Semarang and his father would stop along the way whenever he saw a chance for his children to learn something. He took them to see rice fields and observe the working farmers, or dropped by a pottery-making house. His parents' efforts were totally worth it; he was always on top of the class and successfully got into one of the nation's finest university. Since he was a boy, he grew fond of cars and football and video games. He once had an emergency visit to the doctor because he got so stiff, had trouble moving as he spent hours and hours sitting in front of the computer, playing games. I won't let this happen to you, promise.

Four months after your father was born, I came into the world. My parents named me after the word 'lucky' because I was considered as an unexpected blessing. My sister and brother were already in elementary school when I suddenly popped up among them. Lucky, I easily became the apple in the eye in my family. My childhood was superb! I wouldn't say that I was spoiled, but my mom and dad really knew how to make me have a good time. I enjoyed riding bikes (you can tell from the numerous scar marks on my legs), climbing on trees (until one day the tree fell, I landed on a dirty gutter and received stitches on my behind), playing with animals (I had dozen of cats, two bunnies, and 17 hamsters, I loved them all). My mom and dad loved to treat their children with books - my mom used to read me to sleep and my dad bought me new books whenever I got good grades. Despite being occupied with work, my dad always made time to take us for a short holiday. My mom was obsessed on dressing me up; she even made me clothes identical to my Barbie doll (you will inherit a closet full of Barbies, guaranteed).

Our Loving Parents

So, later you will meet our parents - your grandparents. They are the ones responsible for creating those exciting memories and experience that molded us, their immense love enabled us to become the persons we are today. They have raised us to be humble, to be kind, to put family as top priority. I believe they will love you as much as we do, ready to give their all for you to be happy and loved, exactly like what they have been doing for us all these years. Respect them, love them.

I must say that childhood plays a very important role in a person's future life. I wish it will be the happiest for you, for every child, because you deserve it. I want you to grow up and carry around the loving memories of the people who love you. May our abundant love inspire you to be the best version of yourself and able to do good for others.

Love,
Your mother.

What A Big Nose You Have

Hello, Baby.

We just had our 4D screening last Thursday. Your father and I were so excited!
We met with dr. A. Budi Marjono in RSPI Puri Indah. He was very nice and took his time to talk us through the screening process. He was also quite detailed and made sure to complete all steps - he even waited patiently for you to flip around to look at your brain's development. The 4D screening itself is advised to be done during the 26 to 30 weeks of pregnancy. It is not mandatory, but it is more for physiological assessment- to check the baby’s growth, the position of placenta and its appearance, the amount of amniotic fluid, the development of the heart, belly, kidneys and bladder, along with the gender if we wish to know (note to other mommies-to-be: if you want the gender of the baby to be a surprise, do let your doctor know in advance).

We're so glad that we had done the screening. It was so much more than seeing images of your cute face. We got to find out that you're doing all well in the womb; your stubby fingers, your heartbeat, your brain, your lungs, your round tummy. You were kicking, punching, twirling and thumping. You were so lively, the doctor happily told us that. You were also very camera-ready so we got pretty good images of your face. I think you have your father's nose as it looks quite big, mine is quite tiny. Great to know that you're growing healthily - every measurement seemed to be on track with your age.

Working On My Punches Here, Mom!

Now that you're almost hitting the 1 kg mark, I want you to stay happy and healthy there. Hope to meet you in the next 90-ish days!

Love,
Your mother.

Update 23/06/2016
Biaya USG 4D di RSPI Puri Indah Rp 1,000,000 belum termasuk biaya konsultasi dokter spesialis sebesar Rp 325,000. Sepertinya biaya ini lumayan standar untuk tindakan USG 4D, dan sayang sekali nggak diganti asuransi kantor Pak Suami.

Untuk Anakku (Yang Masih Rencana Tuhan)

nak.. 
maaf, ibu membangunkanmu. 
dari tidur panjang, 
mimpi teduh, 
dan damai milikmu. 

menangislah.. 
karena kecewamu. 
dan biarkan aku menangis, 
karena sanggup melahirkanmu. 

menangislah, nak.. 
dunia memang jahat, 
darah memanas dan bumi meranggas. 
menangislah.. 
karena disisa untukmu setempat, 
untuk memijak tanah keras. 

menangislah.. 
karena takdir manusiamu. 
aku ibumu, 
dan pria yang mengasihiku, 
berdua menjagamu. 
mohonkan restu, 
dari Penguasa Marcapada Yang Satu. 

10 Things I Didn't Know About Pregnancy

Hello, Baby.

Sorry, I missed writing to you for a couple of days. Work has been tough lately.

So... I have carried you for a while now, I can't believe days gone by so quickly - but also so slowly! Oh, the anticipation. And since you are Population Number One in my womb, so that makes me a rookie in being pregnant. Yes, I had spent quite a long time getting my body ready for being pregnant. But when I did find out that I conceive you, I was not prepared at all. I'm sure my mom must have dropped a memo about this, but to feel every single bit of pregnancy ups and downs by myself is truly a surprise for me.

I am no expert, but these are some of the things I learn during my pregnancy up to this day. To share with you and probably other rookie mommies out there about what to expect when you're expecting, here's my list of 10 things I didn't know about pregnancy.

1. Morning sickness is not a myth.
Fire-breathing dragon is a myth. But morning sickness is as real as it gets. Because in you-and-me case, it was an all-day sickness. During your first trimester journey, I named myself The Toilet Face just because I had to 'face' the toilet ever so often. I am still having this symptom nowadays, even though it has lessened a lot - now it's about once every one week. It's basically because you're getting bigger and bigger inside, so your movement seems to affect my gastric acid (that's a clever term for 'sour tummy juice') to go up onto my neck and create a burning sensation.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Always carry with you some plastic bags even until you've graduated from the first trimester, they surely come in handy. Avoid greasy/oily food; gorengan, sambal, sayur tumisan, and even kerupuk - I ate lots of warm, clear vegetable/noodle soup (less oil) during this period. Drink lots of warm water or tea to calm you down after the sickness storm hits you over and over again. Some times fruits help, some times they don't - especially when your tummy is already too acidic. Make sure to choose 'neutral' fruits like apple and banana instead of orange.

2. Nothing cures morning sickness, except...
Sleeping. And more sleeping. Lots of sleeping.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Have a day-off from work whenever possible and try to sleep early at night.

3. Wait until you invest on maternity clothes.
During the early days, I woke up every morning thinking about what clothes to wear to the office. Every piece of clothing in the closet seemed to make me look like a whale, no matter how tight or loose it was. I used to cry a bit and felt like I had to go to the nearest mall to buy every cute maternity clothes available. But honestly, until today I only own two pairs of maternity pants - they cost a heaping lot than regular clothes and I rarely wear them!
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Don't rush for online shopping even if they send you voucher codes. Even if you have to, it doesn't have to be maternity clothes. Just buy regular clothes but go one or two sizes bigger gradually. I suggest to prioritize on bras and undies - you need them at the right sizes. Remember, it's important to stay comfortable in whatever clothing you wear.

4. Drink milk.
I saw the Gyno when you were around 12 weeks old and he said that your femur length was a bit behind. It got better during your 15 weeks check, but in another month the problem came back. I realized that even though I have taken calcium supplement, I tend to skip drinking milk. Short femur length may be one of the soft indications of fetal restriction growth or other worse dysfunction. But as long as your mommy stays healthy, I hope we have nothing to worry.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Choose any milk brand of your liking and stick to it. I do mean "any milk". Seriously, you don't need to limit yourself and hop into the pregnancy milk bandwagon just because the advertisements told you so. Milk contains calcium which is really important for the baby and the mother. Pregnancy milk may contain additional vitamins and ingredients which are good for expectant mother, but it is really the calcium that you need. In case you are worried about your baby's short femur length, there are many health journals on this topic - just Google it. Or better yet, consult with your Gyno.

5. I miss coffee, sashimi, and Indomie.
I'm sorry, Baby. I perfectly understand that I need to eat healthy for your sake. But passing Starbucks in the morning, suppressing the urge to buy a tall latte was quite tough at the beginning. Skipping sushi and sashimi are also hard to do, and don't get me started on a bowl of Indomie kuah. But you know I love you more than life and I am willing to do every thing for you, including missing those things. Plus, I save more money now because I no longer buy overpriced coffee.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Try to find another craving. I find martabak manis to be a great (fattening) food that can cure any type of food craving. Be a good friend to food delivery guys or your nearby abang ojek, they can do magic - as in delivering any kind of food you are craving in less than an hour. 

6. I hate my husband's ... smell.
Yes, I hate your father's smell so bad since you were just a tiny dot. Every time he arrives home from work, I immediately ask him to wash up and change into clean clothes. I hate to hug him in the morning (so not me, I was all about hugging before). I even use an odor-neutralizer AND a super-power air freshener in our room to make sure the room doesn't smell like him. He used to frown at me for doing this, but nowadays he understands that I do this keep you comfy (always a good excuse, gets me out of difficult situation every time).
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: It's okay to let him know. He may be offended but he will accept the fact that you are not feeling that well. Thanks to the fluctuation of estrogen in your body which can make every little scent coming your way feel like a blizzard on the nose.

7. I love your grandma so much more.
She was soooo happy to know that you would soon be here among us. I know she wants a baby in the family as much as I do. She is truly a caring and loving person, she loves to take care of other people. She takes time to arrange your pengajian, it's like a baby shower without the frilly stuffs - reciting prayers for you and me. She had quite a troublesome pregnancy when she carried me and my siblings. Hearing her stories just makes me weep, I often reflect on how much she has done for me and how could I ever repay her. You will love her, no doubt.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Hug her, kiss her, tell her you love her every day.  

8. Pardon my pregnancy brain.
I once left my purse in the office, I was already in the parking lot and had to go back up to get it. I got home later only to find that I also left my laptop bag in the office so I had to beg your daddy to drive me back to the office late at night. I occasionally take the wrong turns when I am driving. I forget my lines during a few important video conferences. I wasn't that good in remembering things (except your father's past mistakes) but this is surely worse.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Keep calm, being pregnant doesn't mean that your brain is shrinking. However, it may affect how sharp are you mentally. Not only because of the changing hormones, but you may also have lots of things in mind so it's harder to focus. Not to forget the backache and lack of good sleep. If you are working, this is a real challenge. Take notes, set reminder, try to keep every thing in writing to ensure you don't forget important task or dates. Get more sleep or short nap whenever possible.

9. I dream a very lucid, detailed dream.
During the first trimester, I kept having these weird dreams. They were quite detail, most of the times involving people I know. Gardens, flowers and every other thing seemed to be in colors. It was strange and disturbing.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Again, blame the hormones. Some says it reflects the mother's anxiety - hopes and fears for the growing baby. Nothing to worry and do not overreact because it's just a dream. No matter how vivid it may be, you will easily forget it in couple of hours - thanks to your pregnancy brain!

10. I become a more positive person.
Even your father admits this. I used to give him a hard time, he used to complain a lot about me being short-fused and grumpy, but I have changed since I conceive you. We argue less and less. I am much more relaxed and spend more time being grateful.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: It's important to stay happy and positive to support the development of your baby. Unhappy mommies may have difficulty to take good care of themselves and the babies. Research has shown that babies born to mothers who are not happy during pregnancy may be less active, show less attention and be more agitated. If you feel unhappy, anxious, restless in any way, better to consult with your Gyno so he/she can refer you to have proper treatment.

I think that's all for now. See you on your 4D screening this coming Thursday - hope you're all healthy and happy there!

Love,
Your mother.

Will I Be A Good Mom?

Hello, Baby.

How are you today? Your father and I just took you out for a quick splash this afternoon. Did you enjoy it? The pool was so full of toddlers, learning to swim. Their parents were waiting by the poolside, cheering for them. As soon as they were out of the water, their mothers handed them their towels and hugged them lovingly.

Then suddenly it dawned on me... What kind of parent will I be? Will I be a good mom for you? 

Society can be real challenging nowadays. Once a mother posts a photo of her kid in Facebook or Instagram, then she is officially out in the jungle - to be judged by others. Unfortunately, the others tend to stand and judge in two opposite corners; the good mom or the bad mom. There's no in-between. Motherhood has quickly become a fierce competition; to breastfeed or to give formula, to stay at home or to keep on working, to grind your own food or to buy boxes. The lists could go on and on.

I am concerned. No, I am scared.

Here's a Jodi Picoult quote that scares me even more:

"24/7 - Once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer."

I am the person I am today, thanks to your grandma (she is lovely, by the way). She is the strongest person I know, yet she is so soft. Unlike her who is a full-time mom, I have always been working since I graduated in 2008. I enjoy working 9-to-5, it helps me a lot to develop myself and it earns me a better living.

I haven't considered to quit my job by the time you arrive - maybe I would change my mind over time, I don't know. But I know some good friends of mine who are still working but they manage to nurture and educate their children at their very best.

Dewi always tries to come home early from work and spend time with her cute toddler. She makes her own DIY toys to keep him busy - playing and learning, using different materials as creative as she can be. In the weekend, she takes him out for an adventure in a zoo or a park - away from the hectic malls.

Dewa is a mother of two cheerful girls. Every day she has to commute quite a long way to work by train. Lucky, her husband is an entrepreneur who can work at home and take care of the kids. But that doesn't mean that she misses out on her children's important milestones. She makes sure to attend her kid's school functions, helps her on her homework and spend quality time on weekends - to soccer practice, to do outdoor sports, any activity that requires a SuperMom energy.

I am also proud to see my friends who decided to dedicate their time to be a full-time mother.

Mega is a full-time mom from the very start. She likes to share funny photos and updates about her Energizer-bunny son. Somehow, her posts make me excited to be a parent. It really shows that no matter how stressful and tiring it could be, but to spend a good day with your child is totally worth it. 

Nita gave up her career to take care of her two boys and decided to take home-schooling in her own hands. She plans each day to be filled with educational activities, to replace formal education they should've received in school. She would take them to the zoo, to the playground, to the library, even take them on a train trip to Bandung.

Kudos to my mother, and my friends. I salute them.

At least they give me a hint on what kind of parent I want to be to you. On one level, I aspire to be just like my mother. She has raised 3 kids to be happy, reasonable adults but some times I feel she has sacrificed too much for us and she has less time to enjoy on her own (I wish I could make it up to her on this one). Still, she is a good mom. A great one, in my book.

Then I realize that nobody's perfect, therefore, no perfect child, no perfect parent. Every child is unique and every parent has their own parenting styles, that's what makes one family different than others.

I shouldn't be scared.
So what? I will not be a perfect mother, definitely will not live up to the Stepford standard. But I know for sure that I am willing to give you my all and never stop learning. I will made some (or a lot of) mistakes here or there, but I really want to learn and understand how to care for you and at the same time, how to push you to the limit to do your best. I want to know when to be strict and when to be lenient, when to be a (tiger) mother and when to be a friend.

Let's be a great team!

Love,
Your mother.

#FlashbackFriday: How I Met Your Father

Hello, Baby.

By now you must be really familiar with your mother. Of course, you can listen to my heartbeat even better than I do. I wish the sounds don't disturb your good sleep because you definitely need your sleep. Believe me, sleeping is a luxury when you are a grown-up.

Today, I want to tell you a story of how I met your father.

I met him back in 2012, that was 4 years ago before you. It was one afternoon during the fasting month and we got introduced by a friend. We met under the escalator in Grand Indonesia, just outside Magnum Cafe (famous for its ice cream, you will enjoy it later since in the womb you have made me crave for it so often). It was brief, nothing special, nothing striking. But who knows, lightning can strike another day, the day when you least expect it.

One Sunday, it was raining and lightning did strike. He, with forcible effort, took me out on a trip to Bogor, it was about one hour drive from my home (soon to be your home, our home). We had a decent time, he said he wanted us to be together and other grown up stuffs I shouldn't tell you by now, but that was it - I was expectation-less. Told you, I didn't think he was THAT special.

Well, he turns out to be THAT special...

He convinced me, with another forcible effort of not wanting to go home before I said 'yes', to stay together, to have a modest relationship. One that I really enjoyed because surprisingly, I had never been in one. Every thing seemed so easy (not easy for him, your mother could be a lot to handle) and unpretentious.

He is smart and geeky. He is the only person I know who told me a story about the just-deceased Galapagos tortoise, and we could talk about fiscal cliff (if you would date an economist one day, you would understand this).

He makes me laugh, genuinely. Some times (many times), he drives me mad badly.

We share a common love towards football - our first official date was watching our favorite teams battling against each other on a small TV in one mall's food court. Isn't it romantic? My team lost the game to his and he surely did mock my misery, but we've watched many matches after that and I'm pretty sure I've had my fair share of mocking him. It's all fair in love and football, you know.

We had our ups and downs for around 6 months before we decided that this was the real thing, the forever-and-always in the making. I knew it, I just knew it.

We got married on October 2013, just one day ahead of his birthday. This was his cunning plan, to make sure that he won't ever forget our anniversary - he said this would be a way to save our marriage from unnecessary fights in the future. It's been almost 3 years now, and up to this day, he is right. That's how smart he is. Our wedding was, again, very modest. It was not the wedding of my dream, it was not even close but somehow I could not care less. Starting a new life with him was the most exciting thing of all. You see, another lightning strikes.

The journey that led us to you was quite rough. It required every inch of my sanity to stay hopeful and positive, and optimistic, and to put up a smile every time someone asked about a child. He managed to pick me up every time I was on the low. He was there, through every doctor's appointment, through every other night I spent crying and longing, he never did stray. I hope we could be together for a long time, if not forever, and we would be there for you too. Who would've thought, lightning strikes again. God has decided to trust us as parents-to be, you are now growing in my womb.

So here's my little thank-you note for him:

Terima kasih sudah mengajarkan saya untuk hidup sederhana, cukup berpuas dengan apa yang dipunya, saat ini, di hari ini, selamanya dan selalu mensyukuri segala nikmat-Nya.

Hidup kita bersama, bisa sederhana. Tapi sungguh tidak ada yang sederhana dari cinta Anda, untuk saya, karena sebegitu melimpahnya.

I can't wait for you to meet him. You will be ecstatic. He will too, actually.

Love,

Your mother.

A Letter To Baby

Hello, Baby.

You know, I have been waiting for you,
waiting for the day that,
you are resting in my womb.
Growing, thumping and twirling.

Oh, I wish you know by now...
You know, I have been waiting for you,
for the day that,
you are sleeping in my arms.
A sight ever so lovely,
a sigh ever so gentle.
A love ever so pure.

You should know, I have been waiting for you,
waiting for the day that,
you are calling me 'mother'.
Then you hold my hands,
like you will never let me go.

And maybe, just maybe...
The only reason I live is for the very day,
God gives me you.

Because if God made you, truly God is in love with me.

Love,
Your mother.