What A Big Nose You Have

Hello, Baby.

We just had our 4D screening last Thursday. Your father and I were so excited!
We met with dr. A. Budi Marjono in RSPI Puri Indah. He was very nice and took his time to talk us through the screening process. He was also quite detailed and made sure to complete all steps - he even waited patiently for you to flip around to look at your brain's development. The 4D screening itself is advised to be done during the 26 to 30 weeks of pregnancy. It is not mandatory, but it is more for physiological assessment- to check the baby’s growth, the position of placenta and its appearance, the amount of amniotic fluid, the development of the heart, belly, kidneys and bladder, along with the gender if we wish to know (note to other mommies-to-be: if you want the gender of the baby to be a surprise, do let your doctor know in advance).

We're so glad that we had done the screening. It was so much more than seeing images of your cute face. We got to find out that you're doing all well in the womb; your stubby fingers, your heartbeat, your brain, your lungs, your round tummy. You were kicking, punching, twirling and thumping. You were so lively, the doctor happily told us that. You were also very camera-ready so we got pretty good images of your face. I think you have your father's nose as it looks quite big, mine is quite tiny. Great to know that you're growing healthily - every measurement seemed to be on track with your age.

Working On My Punches Here, Mom!

Now that you're almost hitting the 1 kg mark, I want you to stay happy and healthy there. Hope to meet you in the next 90-ish days!

Love,
Your mother.

Update 23/06/2016
Biaya USG 4D di RSPI Puri Indah Rp 1,000,000 belum termasuk biaya konsultasi dokter spesialis sebesar Rp 325,000. Sepertinya biaya ini lumayan standar untuk tindakan USG 4D, dan sayang sekali nggak diganti asuransi kantor Pak Suami.

TTC: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

This one is not for baby, but for every woman who is going, or has gone through the process of trying to conceive a child. Semoga kalian merasa 'Saya Tidak Sendirian Menghadapi Ini'. Percayalah, you are not alone.

Di negara ini memang susah mendapatkan privasi, jangankan untuk urusan rumah tangga, urusan agama dan kepercayaan saja bisa sedemikian vulgar dan setiap hari kita bisa lihat diumbar dengan mudahnya di social media. Kepo is the name of the game.

Ketika baru bergandengan tangan, langsung ditanya kapan sebar undangan? Ketika baru menikah, langsung ditanyakan mau punya anak berapa? Kalau mau membayari biaya pernikahan dan biaya sekolah anak sih, monggo loh... Tapi kalau nggak, ya nggak perlu kepo karena jodoh dan anak sepenuhnya wewenang Tuhan. Repotnya kalau orang yang ditanya merasa tersinggung, justru si penanya malah bingung mengapa ada orang yang sebegitu sensitif, toh pertanyaan semacam itu biasanya keluar secara spontan atau cenderung basa-basi.

Nah, balik lagi ke poin dimana jodoh dan anak itu takdir Tuhan. Ada yang dimudahkan, ada juga yang diminta bersabar menunggu. Nggak ada yang salah, namanya juga kehidupan - tetap harus dijalani. Untungnya, saya diminta bersabar untuk menunggu keduanya - jodoh dan anak. Jodoh nggak perlu dibahas ya, karena panjang berliku-liku macam Tersanjung 1-7. Saya mau cerita mengenai proses sebelum akhirnya berhasil mendapat calon anak ini.

Proses mempersiapkan diri untuk kehamilan biasa dikenal dengan istilah promil (program kehamilan) atau di luar negeri disebut TTC, singkatan dari Trying-to-Conceive. Di tulisan ini saya pakai istilah TTC ya, bukan karena mau sok kebule-bulean tapi lebih ke maknanya - menurut saya kata 'trying' ini lebih dekat dengan istilah ikhtiar. Ikhtiar ini artinya lebih dari sekedar berusaha, tapi merupakan konsep dan proses menyelesaikan masalah dengan berupaya memilih jalan yang terbaik. Saat kita berikhtiar, maka cara berpikir dan bertindak kita pun diperbaiki supaya bisa menuju ke jalan tersebut.

We realized that something needed to be checked ketika merayakan hari jadi perkawinan yang pertama. Pertanyaan semacam:
"Kok belum isi?"
"Kapan nih nyusul kasih cucu?"
"Gemukan ya, tapi belum hamil?"
"Sudah lama kan nikahnya?"
"Udah umur segitu lho, gak takut telat?"
Sudah pasti sliweran ketika kumpul keluarga, kumpul tetangga, kumpul teman sekolah, kuliah, atau kantor, begitulah. Seolah-olah my uterus had become a problem for the society. Tapi, keinginan untuk punya anak dan umur yang semakin bertambah mendorong kami untuk segera memeriksakan diri ke dokter.

Here's our TTC milestone.
September 2014 - Cek fisik suami istri di RSIA Evasari, karena suami terindikasi teratozoospermia lalu kami memutuskan untuk menemui androlog.
Oktober 2014 - Konsultasi dengan androlog di RSIA YPK Mandiri, diberikan terapi obat untuk suami dan diminta cek fisik setelah 2 minggu. Cek fisik setelah 2 minggu, hasilnya baik. Androlog menyarankan untuk mencoba konsepsi natural selama 1 siklus.
November 2014 - Nothing happened dan memutuskan untuk kembali ke androlog. Cek fisik suami bagus, lalu dirujuk ke obgyn untuk cek fisik istri.
Desember 2014 - Konsultasi dengan obgyn di RS YPK Mandiri, dijelaskan di awal bahwa infertilitas bisa disebabkan oleh 40% faktor suami, 40% istri, 10% karena keduanya, dan 10% tidak bisa dijelaskan karena sepenuhnya kehendak Tuhan. Great, at least the doctor was honest dan meminta kami untuk bersiap menghadapi berbagai macam kemungkinan. Karena faktor suami sudah dicek oleh androlog, maka obgyn menyarankan untuk cek fisik istri dengan cek darah komplit dan HSG. Hasil keduanya baik. Oh ya, 1-2 hari setelah pemeriksaan HSG lumayan sakit. Siap-siap bedrest dan sediakan satu strip Ponstan karena perut terasa melilit dan susah jalan. Well, jangankan jalan, tiduran saja sakit. So, make sure Ponstan and a glass of water are on your bedside table.
Januari 2015 - Jumpa lagi dengan obgyn. Beliau bilang hasil cek fisik suami istri baik, kemungkinan ada problem dengan imunologi reproduksi dimana terdapat reaksi penolakan dari tubuh istri yang menghambat proses konsepsi. Langsung dirujuk ke laboratorium untuk tes ASA (antisperm antibody) dengan metode HSAaT (Husband's Sperm Auto-agglutination Test). Hasilnya? Nilai ASA tinggi, yaitu 1:16384. Padahal nilai ASA normal adalah 1:64, artinya kami harus 'loncat' 8 tingkat untuk menormalkan nilai ASA. Kami diminta androlog untuk menjalani terapi PLI.
Februari 2015 - Memulai terapi PLI untuk menurunkan nilai ASA. Karena RSIA YPK Mandiri tidak melayani terapi PLI, maka kami menjalani terapi di RSIA Sayyidah. Seluk beluk PLI mungkin bisa dibahas di posting lain ya, karena suka dukanya pun banyak.
April 2015 - Sudah menjalani 3x sesi PLI, saatnya tes ASA lagi. Hasilnya, nilai ASA sudah turun 3 tingkat ke 1:2048. Disarankan mengikuti 3x sesi PLI lagi.
Juni 2015 - Memutuskan untuk berhenti kerja supaya bisa istirahat dan fokus TTC. Selesai 3x sesi PLI tahap kedua dan dinyatakan lulus. Nilai ASA sudah normal di level 1:64. Disarankan kembali ke obgyn untuk tahap promil selanjutnya.
Juli 2015 - Kembali duduk manis di RSIA YPK Mandiri. Obgyn berikan opsi untuk coba 2 siklus dengan bantuan terapi obat, jika belum berhasil juga maka bisa dipertimbangkan untuk menjalani IUI atau inseminasi buatan. Langsung dibekali obat ini itu.
Agustus 2015 - Sudah 2 siklus dibantu terapi obat, belum berhasil hamil juga. Mulai bingung dan sering sedih.
September 2015 - Mencoba cari second opinion ke obgyn lain, pergilah kami ke Klinik Daya Medika. Konon di sini berkumpul para obgyn RSCM yang jago di bidang reproduksi dan IVF. Tapi sedihnya, malah 'divonis' hormon kurang bagus dan umur sudah 'lanjut' sehingga kecil kemungkinan untuk bisa konsepsi natural, harus dibantu dengan IVF. Nangis bombay sepulang dari klinik ini yang bikin suami marah berat (pada obgyn di klinik) dan memaksa kembali ke RSIA YPK Mandiri untuk lanjutkan promil. Di RSIA YPK Mandiri, langsung bilang bahwa kami ingin IUI.
Oktober 2015 - Di awal bulan, siap menjalani proses IUI. Bolak-balik ke dokter dalam seminggu untuk suntik pembesar telur dan akhirnya datang juga hari untuk IUI. Tegang dan takut. Trying so hard to stay hopeful. Setelah 2 weeks wait, dinyatakan IUI belum berhasil. Seminggu kemudian, si tubuh ini pun mengonfirmasi. Felt really awful. Memutuskan untuk berhenti TTC completely dan menunggu hingga tahun depan untuk (kemungkinan) menjalani IVF.
Desember 2015 - Found out that I was 5 weeks preggo.

So, let me recap the ups and down of the journey below.

The Good
Menjadi orang yang lebih sabar dan mencoba terus bersyukur, berusaha meningkatkan ibadah. Didoakan dan disemangati oleh keluarga, sanak saudara, dan teman.
Hubungan dengan suami menjadi lebih baik karena banyak menghabiskan waktu berdua - pastinya bisa traveling berdua kemana saja tanpa repot, bisa saling belajar memahami dan memberikan support. Banyak belajar hal-hal baru, terutama tentang kondisi medis yang dihadapi dan berempati dengan pengalaman orang lain.

The Bad
Every day is a rollercoaster ride. Sangat mudah lelah, both emotionally and physically - terutama karena pengaruh obat-obatan yang diberikan saat TTC yang memengaruhi hormon dan kondisi tubuh. Karena kondisi tubuh nggak nyaman, otomatis emosi pun seringkali nggak stabil. Berantem dengan pasangan, malas kerja, uring-uringan, mendadak sedih lalu nangis - terutama kalau lagi antri dokter, di saat orang lain kontrol hamil atau imunisasi anak. Pelampiasannya? Kalau saya sih jadi makan melulu, tiap hari maunya jajan Chatime daripada pusing.

The Ugly
Harus merelakan waktu untuk bolak-balik ke dokter, hampir setiap akhir pekan bangun pagi dan menghabiskan setengah hari di rumah sakit. Pasrah juga membiarkan tubuh diperiksa, disuntik, diambil darah, hingga mengikuti proses inseminasi yang sungguh tidak nyaman. Tidak cuma istri, tapi suami juga harus ikhlas dan bersedia menjalani proses TTC. Berdasarkan cerita beberapa teman, para suami seringkali menolak untuk memeriksakan diri - jadi, komitmen kedua belah pihak itu penting.
TTC is also financially challenging; pengobatan medis maupun alternatif yang dijalani secara rutin tentu butuh biaya yang tidak sedikit. Kami mungkin termasuk beruntung karena masih bisa menyisihkan penghasilan untuk proses TTC ini. For some others, this is a real big deal.

Untuk teman-teman yang masih berjuang, tetap semangat! Yakin bahwa Tuhan sudah merencanakan dan akan memberikan jalan terbaik bagi kita. Saya sangat percaya bahwa jalan terbaik mungkin bukanlah jalan yang paling mudah, mungkin juga bukan jalan yang paling sulit kita lalui. Tetapi di ujung jalan yang terbaik itu pasti kita menemukan apa yang Tuhan sudah persiapkan untuk kita dan membekali kita dengan kemampuan untuk menghadapinya - apapun itu.

Bon courage!

Untuk Anakku (Yang Masih Rencana Tuhan)

nak.. 
maaf, ibu membangunkanmu. 
dari tidur panjang, 
mimpi teduh, 
dan damai milikmu. 

menangislah.. 
karena kecewamu. 
dan biarkan aku menangis, 
karena sanggup melahirkanmu. 

menangislah, nak.. 
dunia memang jahat, 
darah memanas dan bumi meranggas. 
menangislah.. 
karena disisa untukmu setempat, 
untuk memijak tanah keras. 

menangislah.. 
karena takdir manusiamu. 
aku ibumu, 
dan pria yang mengasihiku, 
berdua menjagamu. 
mohonkan restu, 
dari Penguasa Marcapada Yang Satu. 

10 Things I Didn't Know About Pregnancy

Hello, Baby.

Sorry, I missed writing to you for a couple of days. Work has been tough lately.

So... I have carried you for a while now, I can't believe days gone by so quickly - but also so slowly! Oh, the anticipation. And since you are Population Number One in my womb, so that makes me a rookie in being pregnant. Yes, I had spent quite a long time getting my body ready for being pregnant. But when I did find out that I conceive you, I was not prepared at all. I'm sure my mom must have dropped a memo about this, but to feel every single bit of pregnancy ups and downs by myself is truly a surprise for me.

I am no expert, but these are some of the things I learn during my pregnancy up to this day. To share with you and probably other rookie mommies out there about what to expect when you're expecting, here's my list of 10 things I didn't know about pregnancy.

1. Morning sickness is not a myth.
Fire-breathing dragon is a myth. But morning sickness is as real as it gets. Because in you-and-me case, it was an all-day sickness. During your first trimester journey, I named myself The Toilet Face just because I had to 'face' the toilet ever so often. I am still having this symptom nowadays, even though it has lessened a lot - now it's about once every one week. It's basically because you're getting bigger and bigger inside, so your movement seems to affect my gastric acid (that's a clever term for 'sour tummy juice') to go up onto my neck and create a burning sensation.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Always carry with you some plastic bags even until you've graduated from the first trimester, they surely come in handy. Avoid greasy/oily food; gorengan, sambal, sayur tumisan, and even kerupuk - I ate lots of warm, clear vegetable/noodle soup (less oil) during this period. Drink lots of warm water or tea to calm you down after the sickness storm hits you over and over again. Some times fruits help, some times they don't - especially when your tummy is already too acidic. Make sure to choose 'neutral' fruits like apple and banana instead of orange.

2. Nothing cures morning sickness, except...
Sleeping. And more sleeping. Lots of sleeping.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Have a day-off from work whenever possible and try to sleep early at night.

3. Wait until you invest on maternity clothes.
During the early days, I woke up every morning thinking about what clothes to wear to the office. Every piece of clothing in the closet seemed to make me look like a whale, no matter how tight or loose it was. I used to cry a bit and felt like I had to go to the nearest mall to buy every cute maternity clothes available. But honestly, until today I only own two pairs of maternity pants - they cost a heaping lot than regular clothes and I rarely wear them!
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Don't rush for online shopping even if they send you voucher codes. Even if you have to, it doesn't have to be maternity clothes. Just buy regular clothes but go one or two sizes bigger gradually. I suggest to prioritize on bras and undies - you need them at the right sizes. Remember, it's important to stay comfortable in whatever clothing you wear.

4. Drink milk.
I saw the Gyno when you were around 12 weeks old and he said that your femur length was a bit behind. It got better during your 15 weeks check, but in another month the problem came back. I realized that even though I have taken calcium supplement, I tend to skip drinking milk. Short femur length may be one of the soft indications of fetal restriction growth or other worse dysfunction. But as long as your mommy stays healthy, I hope we have nothing to worry.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Choose any milk brand of your liking and stick to it. I do mean "any milk". Seriously, you don't need to limit yourself and hop into the pregnancy milk bandwagon just because the advertisements told you so. Milk contains calcium which is really important for the baby and the mother. Pregnancy milk may contain additional vitamins and ingredients which are good for expectant mother, but it is really the calcium that you need. In case you are worried about your baby's short femur length, there are many health journals on this topic - just Google it. Or better yet, consult with your Gyno.

5. I miss coffee, sashimi, and Indomie.
I'm sorry, Baby. I perfectly understand that I need to eat healthy for your sake. But passing Starbucks in the morning, suppressing the urge to buy a tall latte was quite tough at the beginning. Skipping sushi and sashimi are also hard to do, and don't get me started on a bowl of Indomie kuah. But you know I love you more than life and I am willing to do every thing for you, including missing those things. Plus, I save more money now because I no longer buy overpriced coffee.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Try to find another craving. I find martabak manis to be a great (fattening) food that can cure any type of food craving. Be a good friend to food delivery guys or your nearby abang ojek, they can do magic - as in delivering any kind of food you are craving in less than an hour. 

6. I hate my husband's ... smell.
Yes, I hate your father's smell so bad since you were just a tiny dot. Every time he arrives home from work, I immediately ask him to wash up and change into clean clothes. I hate to hug him in the morning (so not me, I was all about hugging before). I even use an odor-neutralizer AND a super-power air freshener in our room to make sure the room doesn't smell like him. He used to frown at me for doing this, but nowadays he understands that I do this keep you comfy (always a good excuse, gets me out of difficult situation every time).
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: It's okay to let him know. He may be offended but he will accept the fact that you are not feeling that well. Thanks to the fluctuation of estrogen in your body which can make every little scent coming your way feel like a blizzard on the nose.

7. I love your grandma so much more.
She was soooo happy to know that you would soon be here among us. I know she wants a baby in the family as much as I do. She is truly a caring and loving person, she loves to take care of other people. She takes time to arrange your pengajian, it's like a baby shower without the frilly stuffs - reciting prayers for you and me. She had quite a troublesome pregnancy when she carried me and my siblings. Hearing her stories just makes me weep, I often reflect on how much she has done for me and how could I ever repay her. You will love her, no doubt.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Hug her, kiss her, tell her you love her every day.  

8. Pardon my pregnancy brain.
I once left my purse in the office, I was already in the parking lot and had to go back up to get it. I got home later only to find that I also left my laptop bag in the office so I had to beg your daddy to drive me back to the office late at night. I occasionally take the wrong turns when I am driving. I forget my lines during a few important video conferences. I wasn't that good in remembering things (except your father's past mistakes) but this is surely worse.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Keep calm, being pregnant doesn't mean that your brain is shrinking. However, it may affect how sharp are you mentally. Not only because of the changing hormones, but you may also have lots of things in mind so it's harder to focus. Not to forget the backache and lack of good sleep. If you are working, this is a real challenge. Take notes, set reminder, try to keep every thing in writing to ensure you don't forget important task or dates. Get more sleep or short nap whenever possible.

9. I dream a very lucid, detailed dream.
During the first trimester, I kept having these weird dreams. They were quite detail, most of the times involving people I know. Gardens, flowers and every other thing seemed to be in colors. It was strange and disturbing.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: Again, blame the hormones. Some says it reflects the mother's anxiety - hopes and fears for the growing baby. Nothing to worry and do not overreact because it's just a dream. No matter how vivid it may be, you will easily forget it in couple of hours - thanks to your pregnancy brain!

10. I become a more positive person.
Even your father admits this. I used to give him a hard time, he used to complain a lot about me being short-fused and grumpy, but I have changed since I conceive you. We argue less and less. I am much more relaxed and spend more time being grateful.
Tips for rookie mommy-to-be: It's important to stay happy and positive to support the development of your baby. Unhappy mommies may have difficulty to take good care of themselves and the babies. Research has shown that babies born to mothers who are not happy during pregnancy may be less active, show less attention and be more agitated. If you feel unhappy, anxious, restless in any way, better to consult with your Gyno so he/she can refer you to have proper treatment.

I think that's all for now. See you on your 4D screening this coming Thursday - hope you're all healthy and happy there!

Love,
Your mother.

Will I Be A Good Mom?

Hello, Baby.

How are you today? Your father and I just took you out for a quick splash this afternoon. Did you enjoy it? The pool was so full of toddlers, learning to swim. Their parents were waiting by the poolside, cheering for them. As soon as they were out of the water, their mothers handed them their towels and hugged them lovingly.

Then suddenly it dawned on me... What kind of parent will I be? Will I be a good mom for you? 

Society can be real challenging nowadays. Once a mother posts a photo of her kid in Facebook or Instagram, then she is officially out in the jungle - to be judged by others. Unfortunately, the others tend to stand and judge in two opposite corners; the good mom or the bad mom. There's no in-between. Motherhood has quickly become a fierce competition; to breastfeed or to give formula, to stay at home or to keep on working, to grind your own food or to buy boxes. The lists could go on and on.

I am concerned. No, I am scared.

Here's a Jodi Picoult quote that scares me even more:

"24/7 - Once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer."

I am the person I am today, thanks to your grandma (she is lovely, by the way). She is the strongest person I know, yet she is so soft. Unlike her who is a full-time mom, I have always been working since I graduated in 2008. I enjoy working 9-to-5, it helps me a lot to develop myself and it earns me a better living.

I haven't considered to quit my job by the time you arrive - maybe I would change my mind over time, I don't know. But I know some good friends of mine who are still working but they manage to nurture and educate their children at their very best.

Dewi always tries to come home early from work and spend time with her cute toddler. She makes her own DIY toys to keep him busy - playing and learning, using different materials as creative as she can be. In the weekend, she takes him out for an adventure in a zoo or a park - away from the hectic malls.

Dewa is a mother of two cheerful girls. Every day she has to commute quite a long way to work by train. Lucky, her husband is an entrepreneur who can work at home and take care of the kids. But that doesn't mean that she misses out on her children's important milestones. She makes sure to attend her kid's school functions, helps her on her homework and spend quality time on weekends - to soccer practice, to do outdoor sports, any activity that requires a SuperMom energy.

I am also proud to see my friends who decided to dedicate their time to be a full-time mother.

Mega is a full-time mom from the very start. She likes to share funny photos and updates about her Energizer-bunny son. Somehow, her posts make me excited to be a parent. It really shows that no matter how stressful and tiring it could be, but to spend a good day with your child is totally worth it. 

Nita gave up her career to take care of her two boys and decided to take home-schooling in her own hands. She plans each day to be filled with educational activities, to replace formal education they should've received in school. She would take them to the zoo, to the playground, to the library, even take them on a train trip to Bandung.

Kudos to my mother, and my friends. I salute them.

At least they give me a hint on what kind of parent I want to be to you. On one level, I aspire to be just like my mother. She has raised 3 kids to be happy, reasonable adults but some times I feel she has sacrificed too much for us and she has less time to enjoy on her own (I wish I could make it up to her on this one). Still, she is a good mom. A great one, in my book.

Then I realize that nobody's perfect, therefore, no perfect child, no perfect parent. Every child is unique and every parent has their own parenting styles, that's what makes one family different than others.

I shouldn't be scared.
So what? I will not be a perfect mother, definitely will not live up to the Stepford standard. But I know for sure that I am willing to give you my all and never stop learning. I will made some (or a lot of) mistakes here or there, but I really want to learn and understand how to care for you and at the same time, how to push you to the limit to do your best. I want to know when to be strict and when to be lenient, when to be a (tiger) mother and when to be a friend.

Let's be a great team!

Love,
Your mother.

#FlashbackFriday: How I Met Your Father

Hello, Baby.

By now you must be really familiar with your mother. Of course, you can listen to my heartbeat even better than I do. I wish the sounds don't disturb your good sleep because you definitely need your sleep. Believe me, sleeping is a luxury when you are a grown-up.

Today, I want to tell you a story of how I met your father.

I met him back in 2012, that was 4 years ago before you. It was one afternoon during the fasting month and we got introduced by a friend. We met under the escalator in Grand Indonesia, just outside Magnum Cafe (famous for its ice cream, you will enjoy it later since in the womb you have made me crave for it so often). It was brief, nothing special, nothing striking. But who knows, lightning can strike another day, the day when you least expect it.

One Sunday, it was raining and lightning did strike. He, with forcible effort, took me out on a trip to Bogor, it was about one hour drive from my home (soon to be your home, our home). We had a decent time, he said he wanted us to be together and other grown up stuffs I shouldn't tell you by now, but that was it - I was expectation-less. Told you, I didn't think he was THAT special.

Well, he turns out to be THAT special...

He convinced me, with another forcible effort of not wanting to go home before I said 'yes', to stay together, to have a modest relationship. One that I really enjoyed because surprisingly, I had never been in one. Every thing seemed so easy (not easy for him, your mother could be a lot to handle) and unpretentious.

He is smart and geeky. He is the only person I know who told me a story about the just-deceased Galapagos tortoise, and we could talk about fiscal cliff (if you would date an economist one day, you would understand this).

He makes me laugh, genuinely. Some times (many times), he drives me mad badly.

We share a common love towards football - our first official date was watching our favorite teams battling against each other on a small TV in one mall's food court. Isn't it romantic? My team lost the game to his and he surely did mock my misery, but we've watched many matches after that and I'm pretty sure I've had my fair share of mocking him. It's all fair in love and football, you know.

We had our ups and downs for around 6 months before we decided that this was the real thing, the forever-and-always in the making. I knew it, I just knew it.

We got married on October 2013, just one day ahead of his birthday. This was his cunning plan, to make sure that he won't ever forget our anniversary - he said this would be a way to save our marriage from unnecessary fights in the future. It's been almost 3 years now, and up to this day, he is right. That's how smart he is. Our wedding was, again, very modest. It was not the wedding of my dream, it was not even close but somehow I could not care less. Starting a new life with him was the most exciting thing of all. You see, another lightning strikes.

The journey that led us to you was quite rough. It required every inch of my sanity to stay hopeful and positive, and optimistic, and to put up a smile every time someone asked about a child. He managed to pick me up every time I was on the low. He was there, through every doctor's appointment, through every other night I spent crying and longing, he never did stray. I hope we could be together for a long time, if not forever, and we would be there for you too. Who would've thought, lightning strikes again. God has decided to trust us as parents-to be, you are now growing in my womb.

So here's my little thank-you note for him:

Terima kasih sudah mengajarkan saya untuk hidup sederhana, cukup berpuas dengan apa yang dipunya, saat ini, di hari ini, selamanya dan selalu mensyukuri segala nikmat-Nya.

Hidup kita bersama, bisa sederhana. Tapi sungguh tidak ada yang sederhana dari cinta Anda, untuk saya, karena sebegitu melimpahnya.

I can't wait for you to meet him. You will be ecstatic. He will too, actually.

Love,

Your mother.

A Letter To Baby

Hello, Baby.

You know, I have been waiting for you,
waiting for the day that,
you are resting in my womb.
Growing, thumping and twirling.

Oh, I wish you know by now...
You know, I have been waiting for you,
for the day that,
you are sleeping in my arms.
A sight ever so lovely,
a sigh ever so gentle.
A love ever so pure.

You should know, I have been waiting for you,
waiting for the day that,
you are calling me 'mother'.
Then you hold my hands,
like you will never let me go.

And maybe, just maybe...
The only reason I live is for the very day,
God gives me you.

Because if God made you, truly God is in love with me.

Love,
Your mother.