Wednesday, July 13, 2016

The Fall

Hello, baby.

This day was (almost) be one of the blackest days in life.
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I slipped and fell down.
Laid flat on the concrete floor in Plaza Senayan parking ground.

I got bruises and all, on my face, hands, arms, feet. But all those did not matter much to me. It was you who was on top of my mind, it was you, you all along.

I rushed myself to the nearest public restroom where I could still feel you thumping lightly. I cried, and cried, and called your daddy. He told me to calm myself and I should wait for him there. Then we raced to the hospital, where I spent a good deal of time sobbing while waiting for the doctor to see us. To my relief, the doctor said you were fine.
Your little heart was still beating.
Your little fingers were still throwing punches.
Your little feet were still kicking recklessly.
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I was joyous.
But I still cried at night before bed. Maybe tomorrow I would still cry over this all over again.

Because today I learned my lesson the hard way. I did not set my priority straight, I thought I was strong and capable to do things on my own, but I forgot to put you into the picture and put both of us at risk. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am to let this happen to you, at this very moment, at this very stage of your development. It hurts me beyond anything, any pain that I have endured in life so far.

I pray to God that He will let me have you, hold you, and watch you grow.

Love,
Your mother.

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