Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Anxiety Attack

Hello, Baby.

I can't believe that we are now counting down the days until D-date.
Anxiety is mounting. Tension is building. Well, at least for me. I don't know whether your daddy feels the same - he seems very calm, if not - indifferent, or worse - ignorant. I hope he is not. But he doesn't cry when I cry and whine and sob about so many things related to your arrival in the world, so that should mean something, right? Ok, maybe that's just my hormones.

To be honest, I am in a complete blue when it comes to you nowadays. I worry about so many things; your health, my health, C-sect or natural birth, breastfeeding, what to bring to hospital, will the doctor take good care of us, the list can go on and on...
I start to regret some of the things I did during the early pregnancy, like eating sushi (I believe at some point I came across a tiny bit of under-cooked salmon), using a small amount of salicylic acid on my skin, not eating right, not drinking much milk, skipping some pills, and all those bad stuffs I was not supposed to do during pregnancy - even though some are just myths, really. I should have done something good for you for the past 7 months, but regret does come a bit too late since your D-date is only 5-6 weeks away.

In between my uncontrollable sobbing and my prayers, I realize that I already love you more than life. Let's bring it on. Anything in the world, I would gladly risk it all just to see you, feel you, breathe you.
I hope we can finally meet each other very soon and all is well.

Love,
Your mother.

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